CHURCH, Season One, Prologue

CHURCH, The Television Show


Cosmo Starlight

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This isn’t about you; it’s about Aliens, all they have done for US, and all we have done to ruin it. Trust this isn’t about you; any likeness is intended purely for fictional purposes, and not a living soul on earth knows who you really are. This isn’t about you; this isn’t war, this is new religion. War is why we are all so poor in the first place- let’s all share in the riches of Peace, and learn to coexist with each other and the animals, the air and water and trees. Anger will only make you look guilty so remember that this isn’t about you, it’s about THEM, and all they have done for us. So stay happy, stay calm, and please enjoy the show.

  • Cosmo Starlight

Dedicated to Ethan Collins, who taught me that nothing we believe is true. Truth is just what most of us believe.

Dedicated to N.A., who gave all he had before YOU killed him.

When it gets dark enough, look to see the stars

  • C.S.

“Art is writing about reality in such a way that you don’t piss anyone off!”

  • The Diplomat

“The essential guide for anyone joining the Army, or Organized Crime for that matter.”

  • The Journalist

“When you die, you’re going to wish that you were more promiscuous!”

  • The Manager

Church, The Television Show


    On September 11th, 2001 a giant tube of aluminum filled with loved human beings flies into the tallest steel structure in Gotham, a building also filled with loved human beings.

    The windows blow out and petroleum explodes, causing massive fire. Already, hundreds of humans have died, while the rest run for their lives.

    Soon after, a second one of the world’s largest airplanes flies into a second one of the world’s tallest buildings. History repeats itself, and again hundreds of humans die.

    Heroes in red, heroes in white, heroes in blue uniforms rush to the scene in fire trucks, ambulances, and police cars; they climb up the steel and dig through the fire. And then, munitions explode and two of Gotham’s tallest buildings crash to the ground.

    In the end, hundreds of firefighters and thousands of civilians are dead. But it’s only the start of the killing. The Devil has only just begun.

    “President Monkey,” Dracula rushes in. “The Devil has attacked us. He’s claimed credit for his destruction of countless lives and billions in property on The Internet. It’s time to declare war!”

    So, because of a tragedy, the U.S. convinces its allies to invade a sovereign nation. But this nation did not attack us, so Dracula says they have weapons of mass destruction. But they don’t have these weapons, either, so Dracula say that that harbor terrorists. But they don’t really have that many terrorists, so Dracula says we have to invade other countries too. All the while Dracula lies, Dracula’s companies, his war machine, are getting rich.

    It’s been ten years since in time, one point two trillion dollars later in money, and the result is global recession and insecurity. All because, whatever Dracula says humans find easy to do. So soon, this whole shit house is going to burn down. Unless we work harder to achieve better: work for PEACE. This is the story of how a guy named Noodle killed The Devil, and how he’s going to try and save the world.

    Noodle Church is the world’s next superhero. Noodle Church is a gift from God. Noodle Church has blue-blood, he was sent here by Aliens to fight for Peace. Let him save the broken.

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